By Leslii Stevens ERYT500, YACEP, Ayurveda Practitioner
There are no words for the gut-wrenching pain of losing someone to suicide. It leaves a deep void, an unspeakable ache that never truly heals, and I've felt that pain far too many times in my life. During my years in the music industry, I lost some of my dearest friends—creative souls who played their hearts out on stage and fought demons behind the scenes. I've also lost family members to suicide, and that kind of grief leaves a mark you carry forever.
The memories of those friends, their laughter, their talent, their struggle with inner turmoil, have stayed with me. For years, I drowned in the silence left behind, questioning what more I could have done, what I could have said. In time, I realized that the only way to honor their memory was to find a way to help others who walk that same thin line between light and darkness.
That’s why I became a trauma-informed yoga teacher. Yoga wasn’t just something that helped heal my body after injury; it became a sanctuary for my soul. It’s not just about standing on a mat and doing poses. It's a lifeline—a way to process pain, calm the storm of overwhelming emotions, and reconnect to the self when the world feels like it's falling apart. And I knew this was something I had to share with others who suffer in silence.
Breath as Medicine
One of the simplest, yet most transformative tools in yoga is the breath. When you’re in the depths of despair, breathwork can help pull you back from the brink. One of the most effective practices I recommend is Nadi Shodhana, or alternate nostril breathing. It’s a powerful way to calm the nervous system, balance the mind, and bring you into the present moment. The act of focusing on your breath when your mind is spiraling with painful thoughts can help break the cycle of anxiety, panic, or hopelessness.
Then there's Ujjayi Breath—often called "the ocean breath." The gentle sound it creates reminds you that life, like the ocean, has a rhythm. Even when the waves crash violently, there’s always a point where they recede and calm returns. This breath not only slows down your racing thoughts, but it also activates the vagus nerve, which helps regulate emotions and promotes a sense of safety in the body.
Movement as Healing
In trauma-informed yoga, the body is given space to release tension, fear, and grief. We store trauma physically, and yoga offers a pathway to begin unlocking that pain. One pose I come back to again and again, especially when I’m feeling overwhelmed by memories of loss, is Child’s Pose. In this position, you feel supported, grounded, and safe, while gently stretching the back and hips, where many of us hold deep emotional tension.
Another favorite for calming the nervous system and promoting a sense of release is Legs Up the Wall (you knew that was coming!). This simple inversion invites the blood to flow back toward the heart, slows down the mind, and gives you a sense of deep relaxation. If you ever find yourself spiraling into despair, this pose can be a gentle way to reset your energy and find a moment of peace.
Meditation: Sitting with the Pain
Meditation, especially for those of us with ADHD (yep, it's my constant sidekick), can feel like trying to juggle while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. But I promise you, it’s worth the effort. Sitting still with your pain instead of running from it allows you to process it. In my own practice, I’ve learned that the hardest part of grief isn’t feeling it—it’s avoiding it.
One meditation practice that has helped me tremendously is Loving-Kindness Meditation. It might sound cheesy, but stay with me on this. It’s a method of sending compassion to yourself, to others, and even to those you’ve lost. When I meditate, I visualize my friends who are no longer here, and I send them love. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I do know that extending kindness—especially when it feels impossible—helps the heart heal.
Why I Keep Showing Up
I became a trauma-informed yoga teacher because I know what it feels like to carry the weight of suffering, both your own and others'. The pain of losing someone you love to suicide can feel unbearable, but I've found hope in the practice of showing up. Yoga, breathwork, and meditation don’t erase the pain, but they provide tools to cope, to breathe, to keep going. And sometimes, that's all we need to start healing.
If you’ve lost someone to suicide, please know that you’re not alone. I see you. I hear you. I feel that pain, and I’ve made it my mission to help others find a way through their own suffering. The path isn’t easy, and some days, the light feels far away, but the practice of coming back to the mat, of reconnecting to your breath, offers a way forward.
To those we’ve lost, I dedicate every practice. Every breath. Every moment of stillness. I carry them with me always, and in some way, I hope to help others carry their own weight a little lighter. Yoga saved my life in many ways, and it’s my hope that it can help save others, too. Because everyone deserves a chance to heal.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out for support:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA): Call 1-800-273-8255 or text 988 for help.
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.
- International Support: (https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html)
You don't have to carry the weight alone. There is help, and there is hope.
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