The Fire They Set Inside the Quiet Terror of Gaslighting

By Leslii Stevens ERYT500, YACEP, Trauma-Informed Yoga Teacher

Gaslighting starts quietly, not with shouting, but with doubt.


 “Maybe I am crazy.” 

It’s a quiet thought. A dangerous one. And it’s often the beginning of the end. 



Gaslighting doesn’t begin with fireworks, it begins with doubt. A flicker of uncertainty that burns slow and deep until you no longer trust your own reflection. It’s not about shouting or slamming doors. It’s the subtle rewrite of reality, one sentence, one denial, one manipulation at a time. And it’s everywhere. 


What began as a 1938 play called Gas Light, where a husband dimmed the lights and insisted to his wife that nothing had changed, has evolved into the defining psychological weapon of the 21st century. It’s in relationships, politics, workplaces, friendships, even the news we consume. In a world obsessed with “truth,” gaslighting has become the art of erasing it. 

Gaslighting works by pulling invisible strings, control disguised as care

The Anatomy of Manipulation 


Psychologists describe gaslighting as a form of coercive control, the systematic effort to make someone question their perception of reality, memory, or sanity. It’s emotional abuse with the polish of reason. 


It starts small: “You’re overreacting.” “That never happened.” “You’re remembering it wrong.” 


Then it escalates: the victim begins to question not only the event but their entire self. They stop defending themselves. They apologize more. They isolate. They believe what they’re told because fighting feels like drowning. 


“Gaslighting works because it attacks the core of a person’s identity,” says Dr. Martha Gillis, a trauma psychologist who specializes in post-abuse recovery. “You lose faith in your inner compass — and once that’s gone, someone else gets to steer.” 

In the digital age, reality can be rewritten with a swipe or a delete


The Modern Face of Gaslighting 


In an era of filtered reality and curated personas, gaslighting has taken on new forms. Social media has made it easier to manipulate perception,  to rewrite narratives, block accountability, and weaponize public opinion. 


“Digital gaslighting,” as experts now call it, happens when abusers erase text messages, distort timelines, or create fake versions of events online. Screenshots become evidence; deleted messages become denial. 


“It’s not just private anymore,” says Gillis. “Now, people gaslight with an audience.” 


Even institutions play a role. Political gaslighting floods the airwaves,  leaders denying their own words, corporations rewriting public harm into “misunderstandings,” and media ecosystems designed to confuse. The result is cultural chaos: a collective erosion of trust, empathy, and shared truth. 

Gaslighting doesn’t leave bruises — but it leaves scars that never fade.


The Personal Cost 


Ask survivors of gaslighting what it feels like, and the answers echo through time: confusion, exhaustion, shame. 


“It’s like living in a hall of mirrors,” says Rachel, 42, who escaped an emotionally abusive marriage after a decade of being told she was “too sensitive” and “imagining things.” “You start recording conversations just to prove to yourself you’re not crazy. You stop talking to friends because you’re embarrassed you can’t explain what’s happening. Eventually, you disappear inside it.” 


Gaslighting doesn’t leave bruises, but it leaves scars that don’t fade. Chronic self-doubt. Hypervigilance. The inability to trust one’s own judgment. Many survivors report symptoms that mirror PTSD: flashbacks, anxiety, emotional numbing, and panic triggered by simple disagreements. 


And yet, because it’s invisible, it’s often dismissed. Society still tends to associate abuse with violence, not with the dismantling of someone’s sense of self. 

When the Gaslighter Wears a Smile 


One of the cruelest aspects of gaslighting is that it rarely comes from villains in dark corners. It often comes from people who appear kind, charming, even selfless. 


“They’ll apologize with tears in their eyes,” says Jordan, 35, a survivor of workplace gaslighting. “They’ll tell you they care about you. And then, in the next breath, they’ll twist your words so cleanly you end up apologizing to them.” 


Gaslighters thrive on power and confusion. They are often highly intelligent and socially skilled, knowing exactly how to keep their victims tethered,  through love, fear, obligation, or dependence. 


“They make you addicted to the highs and lows,” says Gillis. “They rewrite your reality, then they make you grateful when they give it back.” 

Healing begins the moment you believe your own voice again

The Recovery Revolution 


But here’s what’s changing: people are waking up. 


Social media,  the same platform that can amplify abuse, has also become a megaphone for truth. Hashtags like #Gaslighting, #NarcissisticAbuse, and #PsychologicalAbuse have millions of posts, offering survivors validation and vocabulary for what they endured. Therapy culture is mainstream. Trauma-informed spaces are replacing “toxic positivity.” The word “gaslighting” itself has entered the zeitgeist, giving people language for what once lived in silence. 


Still, recovery is complex. Healing from gaslighting isn’t just about recognizing what happened, it’s about reclaiming reality. 


“It’s a reorientation,” says Gillis. “You have to rebuild trust with yourself. You have to learn to believe your body again, your gut, your instincts, your no.” 


Yoga, somatic therapy, EMDR, and trauma-informed coaching have all become part of this recovery language. Survivors are learning to reconnect with their breath, their movement, their truth, and their power. 


The Collective Gaslight 


On a societal level, gaslighting is everywhere. From disinformation campaigns to corporate spin, from family systems that deny generational trauma to media that reframes injustice as “complex,” we’re collectively being told not to believe our eyes. 


It’s exhausting. And it’s effective. 


But the antidote isn’t louder shouting. It’s clarity. It’s boundaries. It’s a refusal to be rewritten. 


“The most radical act is believing yourself,” says Gillis. “Because once you do, they lose their power.” 


How to Spot It 


Experts point to a few classic signs of gaslighting: 


Constant denial of things you know happened. 


Minimizing your emotions or calling you “crazy,” “dramatic,” or “too sensitive.”


Rewriting history to make you the villain. 


Isolating you from people who might validate your experience. 


Shifting blame so every argument somehow becomes your fault.


Making you apologize for reacting to their behavior. 



If this sounds familiar, it’s not “just a bad relationship.” It’s abuse. 

Gaslighting thrives in silence, but truth doesn’t need permission. It just needs air.

Lighting the Way Back 


Gaslighting thrives in silence, in the shadow between what we feel and what we’re told to feel. 

Survivors are now stepping into that light. They’re telling their stories. They’re helping others name their pain. 


And maybe, slowly, the world is starting to listen. 


Because the truth doesn’t need permission. It just needs air. 


 “The most radical act is believing yourself.” 

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Phone: 1-800-799-7233 (available 24/7)

Text: Text “START” to 88788

Website: www.thehotline.org